What To Do When You Don't Know What to Do

First, I want to say that here is something I would like more of: I would really like to be around more of the Titus women of our church. The ones who are really spiritually grounded, have been through some stuff, have good sense, and know how to pass it to the rest of us. I do know a few, but it just seems that when I am around them, I leave thinking "Man, I sure wish I could just hang out with her for a week or two and gather up more of those pearls of wisdom."

I'm not dumb and I have friends who are about my age who aren't either, but there is something to be said for just being on this earth, going through many events, mellowing, following things through to the end...just some things that you have to have been here awhile to be able to do.

So all that brings me to a really great Bible Study I was at yesterday. The text was from Job and his awful life and his "friends". And a wonderful Titus woman from our church taught from her own life and heart and I almost couldn't keep up with all the great things she was saying. Her lesson was on "What to do for People Who Have Lost a Loved One" (my title, not hers). So, these are not my words....they are Nita's. Nita Nita Nita. Not Me(-tah...just trying to make a rhyme so that you would remember:-).

So here is the condensed version of what she said...

1. Take the initiative, because people in mourning can't think. You are not being intrusive. They need to feel the support of those who love them.
*send flowers
*bring food...if you know the family, stay and eat.
*send a heartfelt note. You won't make them feel worse
*make calls for them
*make a list of who called, who brought food, etc.
*clean something...bathroom, refrigerator, make the beds

2. Be there emotionally for them
*Don't avoid talking about the person. Call him/her by name. You won't make those who are grieving more unhappy or "remind" them. That's all they can think about anyway.
*Know that sometimes grieving people have to talk and talk and talk. It's their way of dealing with it.

3. Things to say...
*"I love you"
*"I'm praying for you"
*"Do you want to talk about it?" (If they don't, assure them that the time will come when they will, and when they do, you will be available.)
*Tell how you felt about the person.
*Tell about shared times with the person, the rememberances, even funny things.
*Be yourself. Don't feel the need to "know everything" or have all the answers.

4. Things NOT to say.
*"It was God's will."
*Don't try to explain why it happened.
*"Buck up, you've grieved long enough...it's time to go back to normal" (for these people, there is no normal anymore...they have to re-find their way)
*"I know exactly how you feel."

See?? Wasn't that good? I always want to do things, but am not quite sure what to do, what is too much, what is not enough, etc. Yea Nita!!!!